SUMMARY: Post-Serenity story. When these five kinds [of spies] are all at work, none can discover the secret system. This is called divine manipulation of the threads. -Sun Tze
*****
The day after they set down at the derelict docks on the dark side of K'uei-Hsing, Simon cleared Leung to join them for dinner. Leung had lucid periods now, several minutes at a stretch when he could articulate himself. The first thing he'd said that made any sense at all was that he was sorry to have put them all to such trouble on his account. Simon couldn't help but wonder what the man had been like before, and what could have reduced him to such a state.
The infirmary certainly didn't have the equipment to perform sophisticated tests on Leung, but the man had been physically brutalized. Both legs had been broken more than once, along with several ribs. His right hand had been damaged and then neglected, rendering it nearly useless for all but the most brute tasks. And his reaction to certain stimuli suggested post-traumatic stress disorder.
All told, Leung was not the picture of physical or mental health. But his appetite seemed to return with his lucidity, and Simon thought a gradual reintroduction to human interaction would help Leung's recovery.
Mal, however, had emphatically not been in favor of Simon's plan. The Captain reluctantly agreed once River stepped into the argument and said it was only proper to dine with their guest. Mal had cursed under his breath and walked away, and that evening, River led Henry to the table by one hand, murmuring encouragement.
Still breathing a little heavily, Leung settled awkwardly into a chair between River and Simon. "Good evening," he offered in a strained voice.
"Evenin', Specialist," Zoe answered, handing off a plate of rice.
Simon watched carefully, ready to assist Leung with the plate, but he brought it to the table with his good hand, then clumsily scooped some rice onto his plate. Inara slid the rolls over to Leung, thoughtfully making sure they were near his good hand.
"How are you feeling?" Kaylee asked, smiling kindly at Leung. Simon felt a strange, dull jealousy to see her natural cheeriness directed at someone else.
Leung kept his gaze on his plate. "Better, thank you."
Jayne half-stood and leaned over the table, plucking a piece of bread from the breadbasket beside Leung's plate. "Good, then you ain't gonna send no crazy spy brainwaves to the Alliance, are you?"
"Jayne," Mal snapped. "Leave him alone."
Leung had frozen, his hands flat on the table beside his plate, his head bowed in the face of Jayne's open hostility. River pushed her chair back and leaned gracefully across the table until her face was mere inches from Jayne's. "Play nice," she told him, "or I'll hurt you."
Jayne's eyes widened and he didn't seem to know what to do. He held his ground, staring back at River. "Just makin' sure he ain't still working for them purplebellies," Jayne said finally, straightening up to tower over River before settling back in his chair, the picture of insolence as he tore open the roll he'd pilfered and reached for the butter. But Simon could tell from the nervous twitch of Jayne's jaw that he still harbored more than a little fear of River. Jayne slouched low in his seat, eating his roll and glaring at Leung.
"I'm not a spy," Leung said quietly.
Zoe and Mal exchanged impassive looks. "You were a spy when you were in my unit," Mal noted evenly.
"Not on purpose," Leung answered, tapping his index finger against his temple. "The cockroaches, they cut my brain."
Simon held up a hand, warning Mal off. "Henry, maybe now isn't a good time to get into this. Let's all eat and--"
"They cut my brain and put it back together wrong," Leung said, his gaze locking with Mal's. "Sarge, I swear, I didn't want to leave the unit."
Mal looked sour, but jerked a nod. "Fair enough. Eat up, Specialist. You need to get your strength up."
Simon glanced at his sister, who gracefully dropped back into her seat. "Mal," she said, folding her hands on the table before her, "I think Henry should help us blow up the Academy."
Simon jerked around to face his little sister. "River, what--?"
"Not going to happen," Mal interrupted, gritting his teeth in an attempt to keep calm. "And I'd appreciate it if we could enjoy one gorram meal in peace."
Simon watched Leung as he sat, complacent, while the others argued around him. River's suggestion hadn't startled Leung, which meant either he'd disassociated from the conversation entirely, or she'd told him of their plans. Plans that Simon only knew of in the most general sense, since Mal and Zoe had kept everything very hush-hush.
Leung turned his head and met Simon's curious gaze. "River told me of the plans," he said, answering Simon's unasked question.
A sick feeling gnawed at Simon's gut as Mal slammed a fist down onto the table for silence. Glancing back and forth between Leung and River, Mal said, "Excuse me?"
River placed a calming hand over Leung's mangled hand. "I told him," River said, chin lifted in defiance. "It's a good plan, and we can help."
Mal shook his head, spluttering a bit, as Zoe narrowed her eyes and asked, "How do you know what the plan is, assuming we have a plan?"
River gave Zoe a withering look. "Inara stole the blueprints from the Administrator who likes to be tied up with silk and then called names like--"
"River!" Inara interrupted. Mal closed his eyes briefly.
River merely shrugged. "The blueprints are from six months ago. Things may have been altered in the meantime, but it's a good start. Better than the whispers of disgruntled, underpaid purplebellies."
Simon felt like he should say something, maybe stop his sister from speaking, or defend her from the anger he could see building in Mal. But his brain didn't seem to be working properly at the moment, so he sat and watched his sister explain in detail the plans that Mal and Zoe had, to the best of Simon's knowledge, worked up in secret.
He certainly hadn't known anything about the plastique explosives stored on board, and quite frankly, the thought of being out in the black with something that could breach the hull at any time made him a bit queasy. One wrong jostle leaving atmo, and they'd-- the ship would simply--
Simon felt a little bit lightheaded; he inhaled sharply through his nose.
River barely glanced at him as she said, "Plastique is a relatively stable form of explosive material."
River couldn't possibly read minds. The idea was absurd. The other possibility, of course, was nearly as upsetting -- that she'd deliberately eavesdropped and sifted through their private wave accounts to access the information Mal and Zoe had gathered, then pieced the plan together on her own. And if she could only do that sort of reconnaissance, it only stood to reason that she was-- that she had been trained to be--
No. She wasn't. She couldn't be.
Simon sat stock still as River turned a hurt expression his way. "I'm not a spy."
"River, no," Simon stuttered. "No, I know you're not a spy."
"I didn't eavesdrop," she said. "Mal thinks too loudly." She gave the captain an apologetic look. "Zoe's much quieter."
"Okay," Mal erupted, "Leung, you stay here with Simon and finish your dinner. River--"
"Sarge," Leung interrupted, his voice shaking a bit, "I can help."
"With River's fantasy demolition plan?" Mal scoffed. "No, thank you."
Jayne frowned. "Wait -- Fantasy? I thought you said we was blowing it up?"
Mal closed his eyes for a moment. "Jayne?"
"Yeah, Mal?"
"Bì zui."
"I'm a munitions expert," Leung said.
"I'm not discussing this," Mal answered, standing to leave. Zoe hastily rose as well, watching Leung closely.
"You need all the mice--" He stopped, shook his head a bit, blinked like he was having trouble focusing on Mal. "All the soldiers you can get, Sarge," Leung said. "I got a stake in this."
Simon looked back and forth between Mal and Leung, ready to intervene if necessary. But Mal simply shook his head and turned to River. "You," he ordered, "come with me."
"Mal," Simon said. "I really don't--"
"I need to speak to your sister," Mal interrupted, his tone fierce. "Do your job. Take care of Leung."
Mal and Zoe headed up to the bridge, River gliding after them. Simon watched, impotent, not realizing he was muttering curses until Kaylee touched his hand.
"Come on," Kaylee murmured. "Cap'n just wants to talk to her."
"'Bout her moonbrain friend here," Jayne muttered, stabbing at his protein bar.
"Jayne," Kaylee snapped. "Didn't your mama teach you better manners?"
To Simon's surprise, Jayne muttered something that might have been an apology. He didn't have much time to contemplate this turn of events, however, as Leung lurched to his feet and looked around, eyes wild.
"Can't let the cockroaches win," he said, turning vacant eyes to Simon, who leaped up and caught Leung's arm when the man swayed precariously.
"Kaylee, help me get him to the infirmary," he ordered. Definitely PTSD, Simon thought grimly. Too much stimulation, too many reminders of the Alliance and the Academy, and Leung was right back there, reliving the horrors in his mind.
Perhaps Simon had overestimated the pace of Leung's recovery.
*****
Zoe stood in the doorway of the bridge, her back to the closed hatch, arms crossed. River and Mal stood five feet apart, staring at each other with equally determined expressions in place. She hated to admit it, but Zoe was near convinced that if it came down to it, River would win any sort of tussle.
"I would win," River said, not even glancing in Zoe's direction. "Mal, you used me before to--"
"I'm not using you," Mal spat, looking pained.
"You let me help on Lilac," River countered. "You know I can help keep everyone safe."
"And Leung?" Mal demanded. "He's unstable, besides which he can't lay charges with the damage to his hand."
"He is me," River said. "He feels things, too."
"River--"
"You want to destroy the Academy and keep everyone safe."
"Yes," Mal agreed, "but--"
"There are guards and electrified fences and partially constructed brick walls between you and the school. Henry and I can keep track of the guards while you take care of the rest."
Didn't sound like a terrible idea to Zoe, but she knew Mal would need more convincing.
"We have binoculars for that," Mal answered flatly.
"My way," River interrupted, "is safer. Băi wú yī shī. You can concentrate on laying the explosives and we'll keep watch."
Frowning, Mal glanced at Zoe to get her take. Zoe simply lifted an eyebrow in response. Girl made some good points, and the more people watching their back, the better. Last thing Zoe wanted was more time in an Alliance prison.
Mal grimaced in reply, then turned his attention back to River. "If I decide to let you help, you are not coming anywhere near the school," Mal decided. "And Leung is nowhere near stable enough to come at all."
"He is stable," River countered, eyes narrowing. "Feels guilty about what he's done, and sometimes that's too much for him to think about." She dipped her chin, her hair shadowing her face. "Only way to escape is to--" With a near-imperceptible shake of her head, she lowered her voice-- "Disassociate."
Zoe's gut twisted, and she reached out to lay a gentle hand on River's shoulder. River shifted away and Zoe let River pass, turning to watch the girl stomp down the stairs and disappear. Slowly, Zoe turned back to Mal. "That went well."
Mal waved off the subject and paced in a small circle. "I'm still not sure we're doing right," he admitted, his voice low.
Zoe watched him silently, unable to put her thoughts into words just yet.
He stopped, hands on his hips, back to her. "Feels a little bit like we're running full tilt into the warm embrace of a scorpion."
"We're not."
Mal turned, questioning her with a look.
"Some things are worth fighting for," Zoe explained. "Power corrupts. Miranda, it was stupid and not ill-intentioned, but they did it because they could. This is willful torture of kids can't fight back, and they're doing it because they think they can. This is worth taking a stand." She closed her eyes, picturing Wash's smiling face. "This is worth the risk"
Her words hung in the air a moment as Mal considered 'em. "Is it taking a stand?" he wondered. "We ain't telling the 'verse like Miranda. If it all goes right, we escape to the black and the Alliance mentions a construction accident on Kuei-Hsing. Won't stop 'em."
"Might," Zoe countered. "Dă căo jīng shéi."
Mal stared at her. "This kind of snake don't scare easy."
Zoe nodded, accepting his point. They wouldn't win the war by blowing up one school. Might have four others already up and running. But they could win one battle. "At the very least, we'll slow them down. Academy won't open on schedule, and these girls won't be tortured next month. We can't save the 'verse, Mal. We just do what we can."
Mal stared down at the floor. "And that's enough?" he muttered.
Zoe headed for the hatch, touching his elbow as she passed. "Has to be."
*****
Simon perched nervously just outside the shuttle, watching through slightly unfocused binoculars for any sign of trouble. Inara was in the shuttle, waiting to take them back to Serenity as soon as the others returned. Beside him on the rocky ground crouched River and Leung, trying to sense trouble. Simon couldn't think about that. It made him uncomfortable, this idea that his sister was psychic--
"Simon," River chided. "Concentrate."
He spared her an annoyed look and went back to his observations. Mal, Zoe, and Jayne were somewhere in the dimly lit construction zone laying explosives on the grounds of what was slated to be another Academy of Torture. Even through binoculars, Simon could see nothing. He checked his watch. They could all be captured and carted off by now, and he wouldn't have the first idea.
"They're not captured," River whispered. "Jayne got a little tangled up in the charge wire, but Mal and Zoe are nearly done. They'll be back soon."
Simon's mouth tightened, but he didn't reply. Mal and Zoe had nixed his suggestion of radios, pointing out that the Alliance security measures at the building site would likely include something to detect radiowaves. Simon had countered by suggesting the security would also include something to detect people sneaking in to lay plastique explosives, too, but that didn't seem to be stopping them from doing that.
"There," River said, pointing to the left side of the hulking structure.
Simon followed her direction, scanning the area through binoculars until he caught a flash of movement. After a moment, he could see all three moving back, Zoe then Jayne then Mal, unwinding the charge wire as he retreated. They eased through the small tear in the electrified fence -- shorted out by the same small EMP that had knocked out videowave surveillance -- and drew closer.
Starting to breathe a bit easier, Simon eased backwards on trembling legs, fumbling for the detonator.
Zoe reached them and fell in line, patting River on the shoulder as she sank silently to the ground. "No trouble?" she breathed. River shook her head.
Jayne scrambled over a small boulder, dropping beside Simon with a small grunt of exertion. "Ruttin' Alliance builders," he muttered, picking pebbles out of a gash on his arm.
Simon frowned, reaching for Jayne's arm. "Let me see."
"Ain't nothin'," Jayne answered, shaking him off as Mal took the ignition switch from Simon's other hand.
"Would you just let me see it?" Simon argued. He could smell the thick copper of blood, which meant Jayne had already bled quite a bit.
"Mal," Jayne whined, "get the doctor off my ass."
"Wŏ jì méi yŏu shíjìan yēméi yŏu jīnglī gēntā zhēnglùn," Mal snapped, still twisting the charge wires into place. "Time?"
"Going on seventeen minutes," Zoe answered. "We've got three minutes, tops, before a patrol gets here to investigate the power loss."
Nodding, Mal carefully set the detonator, giving them sixty seconds until the first of 23 charges started off the chain reaction that would, if their calculations were correct, leave naught but a pile of rubble in its wake. "We're in the air before the first explosion. Inara?" he asked.
"Ready, Mal," she called back.
Mal glanced at each of them in turn. "Go?"
Simon sat there, still and scared, while River and Jayne nodded. Zoe answered, "It's a go, sir."
"Good," Mal said, and pressed the button. A small green bulb blinked to life, and Mal placed the activated detonator on the ground. "Let's go."
Simon stood on shaky legs and reached for his sister, handing her onto the shuttle. Just as she stepped aboard, she stiffened and whirled around. "Henry!" She lunged past Simon, leaving him grasping at air as she launched herself back toward the Academy. Mal and Jayne tackled River, and Simon caught a glimpse of a figure scrambling back toward the Academy.
Leung. Dammit.
"Gorram it," Jayne yelled, holding River about the waist. "Doc, take her," he demanded, struggling to hold her still while Mal and Zoe grabbed her arms and one leg. "Quit it, girl. I'll go after him."
Panicked now, Simon wrapped his arms tight around his sister's struggling body as Jayne let go.
"Jayne," Mal shouted, his hands full of angry River. "Bié dòng."
But Jayne jumped the boulder and took off in pursuit of Leung. Simon couldn't follow his progress, because his sister was so incensed it took all three of them to drag her back toward the shuttle. Simon cursed, regretting that he hadn't protested Leung's inclusion in this ridiculous caper.
And then River sagged, going limp and throwing Simon off balance. She keened, low and mournful, and moments later, the first explosion rocked the shuttle.
"Chùsheng xai-jiao de xiang huo," Mal cursed, his face pale in the bright orange light of the exploding Academy. He stood in the doorway and watched through narrowed eyes as the walls imploded.
Simon still had his arms around River, but couldn't tear his gaze from the grim beauty of explosions. Finally, the night dimmed, leaving bright reflections spotting his vision as he blinked. The silence was broken only by his sister's sniffles and the faint wail of sirens.
Mal turned, dropping to one knee in front of River and taking her by the shoulders. "River." He shook her. "River!"
"Mal," Simon warned, noting her wide, unfocused eyes. "She's in shock."
Mal ignored him. "We need to go. Where are they?"
"Mollymawk," she answered, her voice trembling. "Mollymawk's gone."
Mal dropped his head and whispered something too low for Simon to make it out.
Zoe leaned closer. "And Jayne?"
"Red," River answered. "Red and hot. The ground is wet." She shut her eyes briefly, then locked gazes with Simon. "Go. He needs your help."
"Where is he?" Simon asked, ignoring the chills her unnatural knowledge still gave him. It didn't take psychic ability to predict that a man running headlong toward a series of explosions would need medical attention, but she said things with such an eerie certainty -- he didn't have time for that.
"Straight up the middle, but not all the way there." She winced. "Near the fence. Hurry."
"You'll stay here?" Simon demanded.
Inara appeared in the doorway, stepping down and wrapping her arms around River. "I've got her."
River nodded, unresisting, and curling into a ball. "Simon, go."
Simon stood and looked to Mal and Zoe, who had already jumped down from the shuttle. Mal gestured impatiently. "Come on if you're coming. Scoop and run. We need to get gone."
They ran toward the rubble three abreast, not bothering to attempt stealth. The sirens grew louder, and Simon had a leaden feeling in his gut as they pressed on toward the heat of the smoldering buildings, toward the acrid scent of destruction.
Zoe found Jayne and dropped to her knees beside his crumpled form, splayed across the rubble of what had been part of the outer wall. Simon mirrored Zoe on Jayne's other side, running his hands quickly over Jayne's body in search of broken bones, noting serious blood loss from a large gash in his right leg. His eyes were closed, breathing regular, though his heartbeat was a little fast for Simon's liking.
"We don't have time," Mal shouted over the wail of the approaching sirens. He unfolded a sheet of canvas with a quick snap of his wrists.
"If he's badly injured, jostling him could kill or paralyze him," Simon shot back. Flashes of indigo and red crept closer.
Mal and Zoe worked quickly, ignoring him as they shifted Jayne to slide the canvas beneath him. "Trust me," Zoe said, her tone grim, "Jayne would rather be paralyzed in the black than healthy in an Alliance prison, and I can't say as I disagree. Now let's go."
Simon grabbed hold of the canvas and tried not to think of all the possible damage they were doing as they staggered back to the shuttle, alarms and sirens growing louder and louder behind them.
*****
Kaylee hadn't ever been one to embrace the more dangerous side of life on a transport moonlighting in moving not-so-legal cargo, and she ain't never had the urge to carry a gun and face down bad guys. Miranda and the aftermath only reinforced Kaylee's belief that she wanted no part of violence if she could help it.
Still, sitting on her hands while Simon and Mal and Jayne and Zoe and 'Nara and River and even Leung were off layin' bombs on Alliance property -- it just didn't feel right.
Cap'n told her to keep Serenity ready to go, so she worked off some of her nervous energy by pacing in the small confines of the bridge. She paced and rambled aloud, spilling her thoughts to Serenity, who weren't answerin' back.
Waited.
Paced.
Waited some more.
Double-checked the comms, 'cause what if they were S.O.S.-ing and she didn't know? Comms were fine.
"Shiny," she told Serenity. "I'm sure everything's shiny."
Paced.
Waited.
Twisted her hands together, picturing all kinds of horrible possibilities.
Then -- finally -- she heard the familiar sound of Inara's shuttle docking and Serenity's muted sigh of contentment. "Good girl," Kaylee praised. "Let's get ready." She powered up Serenity and got her to ready-one before Mal came bursting onto the bridge looking grim.
"We set?" he asked.
"Yes. Is everyone--?"
"I'll get us off the ground," he answered, dropping into the pilot's seat.
Kaylee froze, her hands clasped together in prayer. What if Simon was dead? What if River did that scary fighting again, but didn't do quite as well this time 'round? Why didn't the Cap'n answer her question? Her voice shook when she said, "Cap'n?"
He grimaced, easing Serenity off the ground. "Leung's gone. Jayne's hurt."
Kaylee blinked. "Gone?" Cap'n couldn't possibly mean--
"Died." He looked over when she didn't answer, raising his voice and ordering brusquely, "Go see if Simon needs any help."
Stung, Kaylee retreated, trying to remind herself that the Cap'n was upset, not mad at her. Still hurt bearing the brunt, but she could handle it. She took the stairs two at a time, clomping her way down to the infirmary, her heart racin' in panic.
Inara stood outside the infirmary, watching through the window with a grim look on her face. She barely glanced up as Kaylee clambered down the staircase. Kaylee touched Inara's shoulder on her way past, stunned to a stop in the infirmary doorway when she saw blood all over Simon.
"Simon," she blurted, "are you hurt?" Kaylee was standing beside him without realizing she'd moved.
He met her gaze for the briefest of moments, not quite managing a smile as he explained, "It's Jayne's blood." Simon wasn't even in a sterile gown, just blood-covered latex gloves and his dark blue shirt stained red.
Kaylee looked down at Jayne, unconscious on the table, and bit her lip. Didn't hardly look like him, goatee only partially grown back, skin frighteningly pale under the lights. "Oh, my God, is he going to be okay?"
Must've been her imagination, but Simon sounded irritated when he said, "Should be fine if I can get this bleeding under control."
Wide-eyed, Kaylee stared at the gash in Jayne's leg. She moved back a bit, trying to stay out of the way.
Across the table, Zoe dug out an instrument for Simon and handed it over. "Want me to clean out the lac on his arm?" she asked, waiting for Simon's nod before she reached for the iodine.
"He's fighting," River said from her perch on the bench lining the wall. She had her arms wrapped around her knees, and blood smeared along the back of her hand. Closing her eyes, she laid her forehead against her kneecaps.
Feeling helpless, Kaylee patted the toe of Jayne's boot. "Can I help?" she asked.
Grimacing, Simon didn't answer, simply leaning closer to the gash in Jayne's leg, using the tong-looking things Zoe had handed him to dig in the wound. Kaylee felt a bit lightheaded and stepped back, but she couldn't quite block out the horrible, squishy noises. She reached back to brace herself against the countertop.
After a moment, Simon finished whatever horrible thing he was doing to Jayne's leg and handed the tongs back to Zoe. He glanced back at Kaylee and mustered a smile. "Could you do me a favor?"
"Of course." Kaylee pushed away, swaying a bit on her feet. "You're really okay?" she couldn't help asking.
"I'm not hurt," Simon told her, and he was looking at her the way he used to, like she was important. "I need to irrigate the wound and close it up," he explained. "Jayne should be fine, but this will take a while. Zoe's going to help." Simon glanced at his sister. "Would you -- would you maybe take care of River for me?" he asked, and Kaylee could tell from the tremor in his voice that it wasn't easy for him. "Help her get cleaned up, keep her warm. She's in shock."
Kaylee felt warm again, like someone had finally turned the heat back on inside of her chest. She took a shaky breath. "Sure, I can do that." She hesitated for a moment, then stepped up to his side, placing her hand on his shoulder and leaning up to kiss him quickly. He looked back at her with wide, surprised eyes, but she just smiled. Before he could come up with a response, Kaylee pulled out a sterile gown and unwrapped it, holding it out for him.
Simon stripped the bloody gloves off and moved forward, putting his arms through the sleeves before kissing her on the forehead. "Thank you," he murmured.
Kaylee rounded the table, squeezing the toe of Jayne's boot as she passed, and moved to River's side. "River?"
Slowly, River lifted her head from her knees and dully met Kaylee's gaze. "Mollymawk's dead."
"I know, mèimei, and I'm sorry." She rubbed River's back. "Let's go get cleaned up, let your brother fix up Jayne."
River moved slowly and without her normal grace as she slid down from the counter. "Mèimei," she echoed.
"That's right," Kaylee soothed, and as she ushered River out of the infirmary, Simon glanced at the two of them with an expression that Kaylee didn't recognize.
*****
Gorram son of a whore.
Fire creepin' up his leg, throbbin' in his arm, and a headache like a damn. Mouth dry, like the worst kinda hangover, tongue fuzzy and thick.
Hand on his arm.
Jayne reached up and grabbed it, trapped it tight. Opened his eyes, squintin' against the bright. "Lemme go."
"You're safe."
Gorram pretty boy doctor. "Gimme drugs," Jayne demanded, squeezing Doc's hand. "What the ruttin' hell you do to me?"
"Simon saved you." Kaylee now. She stepped closer so's he could see her, and he felt a tiny hand slip into his. "You were real brave, Jayne."
Jayne grumbled something would've been an insult if he could concentrate on anythin' but the blistering agony in his leg. Arm hurt, too. "Drugs," he said, tossing Doc's hand aside and grippin' the edge of the mattress.
"In a minute," Doc answered, leaning over until he loomed over Jayne, who closed his eyes in protest. "Look at me."
Jayne did his best to glower without opening his eyes. "Cào nî zûxiān shí bâ dai."
"Sounds like Jayne," Mal said, from somewhere behind Jayne.
"Mal, tell him to give me some drugs."
"Jayne," Doc said, pulling his eyelids up on at a time and shining a gorram spotlight in 'em, "I need to make sure you haven't sustained any head trauma--"
"I'll show you head trauma, boy," Jayne gritted, swatting at the hands touching his face. Moving made the pain ten times worse, and he spit out a string of curses, muscles clenched until he started to shake with the effort to stay still.
"What year did the Alliance unify the 'verse?" Simon asked.
Mal's voice was like ice. "Ask him something he might actually know."
"Jayne." Kaylee now. "What year did you come to Serenity?"
White hot pulse of pain shot up his leg. "Year I found out Marco was stiffin' me." He tried to relax his muscles, but doin' anything hurt like blisterin' hell. "Mal?"
"He's fine, Simon," Mal said. "Give him something."
Stickpin in his neck, then a flood of tingly goodness. Jayne felt his muscles go slack, and his eyes drifted shut. The pain drowned under a wave of drugs, and he near fell back to sleep. Driftin', pain all locked up far away.
Little Sister still had her hand tucked in his.
It occurred to him to ask what had happened. "How'd my..." Jayne stopped, unable to come up with the word for what was hurt.
"The Academy," Kaylee prompted. "You blew it up."
Explosions. Orange and hot and loud and painful. He was... running toward the Academy?
"Yes, you were." Little Sister floated into view and Jayne tried hard to keep his eyes open. She smiled at him. "You tried to save Henry."
Tried?
"Henry wanted to die," River answered. "He knew they'd concentrate on him instead of tracking us."
Jayne tried to nod. Anyone else hurt?
"Just you," River said. "Everyone else is fine."
Good. Jayne wanted to stay awake, wanted to find out more 'bout what happened, but he couldn't seem to open his eyes.
"The Academy is rubble. You saved the mice." River's voice soothed him. "Thank you."
"Welcome," he mumbled, feeling something feather-light brush across his cheek.
*****
The sheep weren't sheep, and they weren't meals, either.
Conundrum.
River crouched in the cargo bay, studying their flat eyes and their nervous stillness, wondering why they couldn't remember what they were. Suspended animation, waiting for something to change. Waiting like Simon.
Abandoning the not-sheep, River made her way to the passenger cabins to look in on her brother again. He was still shut up in his pen thinking dark, confused thoughts.
"She misses you," River told him, feeling Kaylee's presence, warm, like Serenity's heart, pulsating with life and color and heat. And a purple streak of sadness.
Simon looked up at River with blank eyes, thinking with a taste of bitterness, How would you know?
River simply shrugged, because hard as she tried to explain, no one ever really understood. She knew Kaylee was okay, or she would taste wrong, like a scream, like she did on Niska's space station holding cold, black death in her hands, unable to move. Simon just stared at her some more, so River retreated.
In the infirmary, Jayne was sleeping, sweet dreams of naked women keeping him sound and healing. River peeked in to feel his leg stitching itself back together slowly, slowly, slowly, but without the orange-flash stink of infection.
She wondered if women were really that flexible.
She doubted Jayne would answer her if she asked.
River moved on, up the stairs, pausing in the hallway, steadying herself against metal walls that hummed. Sorrow still too white hot for Zoe to look at directly, but somewhere underneath it like an aftertaste, the cool bee sting of tears.
River stepped up onto the bridge. Thoughts weren't much brighter up here.
"Little albatross," Mal greeted, not turning to look. Need to keep her safe. He sounded warm, like sunshine, and fuzzy like the fur on a puppy's belly. She wanted to lie down beside him with her head in his lap, innocent and warm and safe like when she was a girl.
But she wasn't a girl.
"She is safe," River said. She wanted him to feel the truth of it, even though he lived his whole life doubting any truth unless he could bang his head against it and come away bloody and convinced. "I am safe." She smiled, letting the knowledge ripple though her muscles. "I am safety."
Mal glanced over at her. "I do believe you just might be," he admitted. God help us all. Dark thoughts, again. Futility. Horrible sound of dying comrades. Bitter taste of Zoe screaming for Wash. Leung taken by the fires--
River blinked. She moved, settling into the copilot's chair, letting her fingers dance across the controls, letting Mal's prayers for the dead slip past her and out into the black.
Mal still believed in his God, his symbol, though he told himself he didn't. Mal told himself a lot of things that weren't true, and then he tucked his cross away with Book's leather hair tie, and touched the box reverently morning and night. Pretended not to care, not to feel, then kept a capture of Inara hidden between the covers of his family Bible, nestled next to the fading ink of the handwritten Reynolds family tree. Every once in a while, he dug out an old letter from home, and read the ending over and over with tears stinging his eyes.
Come home soon, dear boy,
Mama
"Something on your mind?" Mal asked, awash in nervousness, worried she might feel his secrets.
"Something's on yours," River answered, looking out into the black.
"I owe you an apology," Mal said, his tone gruff. For not trusting her. River actually laughed, earning herself a puzzled look and a flash of irritation. "What's so funny?"
"You don't trust anyone but Zoe," River explained.
Mal shifted, uncomfortable with her perception. "I trust you. I just don't trust what those tāmāde húndàn did to your brain."
River let his words stand. She used to be a smart girl who loved to dance. Then she was altered by the cockroaches, and she could never be separate from what they did.
River was.
Simple and impossible.
Mal knew it, too, but wouldn't ever admit that he couldn't trust her. Too gentlemanly. She hid her smile by bringing her knees up to her chin. Engines burning low, inertia doing its part to propel them through space. A glance at the console gave her their position and velocity, and she let the numbers dance into alignment. Seven-point-three-eight-four-six hours from the Georgia System. She asked him anyway. "How much longer?"
Mal glanced at her. "'Bout seven hours, give or take." Restless, anxious, and beneath it all, anger. At himself, for putting them all in danger, for not saving Leung. At Inara for being who she was, and for being what she was. At Kaylee, at Jayne, at Simon. At River, for starting all of this.
River stared down at her hands, delicate, deadly fingers, and wished she could manipulate Joseph Larmor 's theory of time dilation and go back to before. Before Miranda and save Wash and Book; before Persephone and save Mal's hero complex; before the Academy and save Simon the trouble.
Before she left for school, and save the River she used to be.
"What happens next?" River asked, letting her eyes close. She saw a dozen scenarios bubbling through his mind, variations on the past. Serenity Valley, not a bloodbath but a turning point in the war. Finding perfect strangers to run his ship, not becoming attached to anyone and not caring if his crew left or died. Leaving well enough alone, leaving them all on Haven among the dead, not bringing them into danger, not losing Book and Wash.
Darker.
Doubts.
Too late, always too late, and there are torn, crumpled, bleeding bodies in the hallway of Mr. Universe's compound. Too stupid, and Kaylee sneaks away and gets killed trying to play the wrong purplebelly for information. Too soft, and Inara gets caught up in the Alliance net trying to get intell on the Academy. Too slow, and Jayne bleeds to death alongside Leung.
Nothing he did was ever enough to save River.
River blinked.
"I don't need saving anymore," she declared, earning herself a sharp look from Mal. She met his gaze, unapologetic. Not like she could help it when he was bleeding thoughts like that.
"Next," Mal answered in a tight voice, ignoring everything but the question she'd asked, "we set back to Persephone and scrounge up some more work. Keep our noses clean. See what happens."
Nodding, River subsided. It wasn't much of a plan.
But soon, the sheep would be sheep again.
*****
THE END
*****
Firefly fic
Author's Note: River quotes (and misquotes) passages from Sun Tze's Art of War throughout this story, sometimes recognized by the narrative character, but sometimes not. All epigrams are also Sun Tze. Planet names are taken from Chinese mythology, and all the Chinese (mis)used throughout is from various Chinese-English dictionaries and phrasebooks, most notably Langschneidt's. All mistakes are mine.